Wondering about how self-loathing impacts on others?

Feeling full of self-loathing (an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and utter lack of worth) is a terrible burden to carry through life. If you feel that way, it is very important to seek professional help and start working out how and why you feel the way you do; allowing yourself the possibility of feeling differently in the future. However, I’ve also been wondering about the impact of self-loathing on those close relationships in the individual’s life.

If we think for a moment about how other people experience it, our perspective on the impact of this type of behaviour starts to shift. Those suffering from self-loathing often think everything they do is wrong and that they need to apologize for everything, regardless of importance (or even if it’s a mistake at all); they also feel that they’re likely to ruin their relationships, and that anxiety often makes them apologize more (which can bring about the outcome they’re trying to prevent). Imagine how this feels for a partner or loved one. They may well worry, ‘Did I do or say something to make them feel they have to apologize for everything?’ or ‘Am I really this demanding?’

Often those suffering from self-loathing will feel the need to express how unworthy they feel of others’ love and care. How does this impact? Others might wonder, ‘What I have done or said to make him/her feel he/she is not good enough?’ or ‘Am I sending out signals to this effect that I’m not aware of?’  Although these behaviours are intended as sincere expressions of self-doubt, they can easily be interpreted as cries for attention and reassurance, and the problem comes from the self-loathing person believing those things of themself. Although loved ones may well appreciate this, the most they can do is reassure that individual about how they feel; so they do what they can while realizing it’s not enough.



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