Look Inward to Fix the Problem

Often we find ourselves stuck in battles to change others in our lives. If only our partners, friends, parents, children, bosses or colleagues would behave in the ways we want them to, then everything would be ok and we are sure we would be happy. The implication in this is that we are somehow more enlightened or have a better knowledge of what is best; giving the other person the message that he or she is in the wrong. A healthier approach is to look inward to fix the problem rather than trying to change the other person, and sometimes this means practicing acceptance. For example, if you are more sociable than your partner, why not consider attending the next party on your own? That way you avoid the situation where he resents being there and you feel irritated by his inability to enjoy the situation. Therein lies a crucial recognition that there are some matters on which you may never be totally compatible, and that you’re willing to accept this in order to preserve the other’s autonomy.


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